Block After Block...

An interesting person who is far too interested in other things to maintain and meticulously update such trivial things such as tumblr, twitter, facebook, etc. What other things? Music mainly, but other interests include but aren't limited to video games, hockey, recording, producing and writing. Yup, I'm Dimitri

September 22, 2011 9:56 pm
Flowers For My Brain: Serious story time.


Serious story time.

From the time I was almost 16 to when I was almost 20, I was in a relationship with the same girl. That’s a long time. There were a lot of things that were really great about that relationship but there were also a lot of things that I do not miss whatsoever. This is a story of the things I’m much better off without.

She was a very insecure person. Her father was a big part of that because he always treated her like she wasn’t good enough. So, in turn, she never thought that she was. She would always think that I was going to leave her for someone younger (she was 2 years older than me) or prettier or skinnier or nicer or whatever adverb you want to slap on there. The constant self-consciousness led to lots of fights, lots of crying, and a hole in a hollow wooden door from my fist.

This insecurity led to tearing me down all the time. Like I was always on some unreachable pedestal. Whenever I felt good about something, there was some flaw that I should be paying more attention to. When I told a good joke about something that had nothing to do with her, she had to tell one that involved something slightly embarrassing about me. 

This would go on and on. One time my best friend made her cry in public by calling her out on it. Needless to say, all this teasing and whatnot caused me to be a little bit sensitive when it comes to that kind of thing. 

Lets fast-forward to these past few weeks.

My friend Dimitri (the one who records audio for my covers) came home from Full Sail University in Florida a few weeks ago. I was really excited for him to come home because he’s one of my oldest friends. I’ve been looking forward to recording some new stuff with him now that he has his degree.

My other very close friend, Kris, gets along with Dimitri very well. Here’s the rub:

On their own, they can both be very serious and kind. They’re good at listening and giving advice on problems like relationship stuff and other things along those lines. Together though? They become a tag team of trolls that tease incessantly.

I can deal with teasing when it’s every once in a while. But when they do it non-stop, teasing about the same thing over and over again, never letting there be a serious moment, my sensitive, scarred side comes out and gets hurt very easily.

Now, I’ve tried to make this known to them. That it starts to sting when they do it so much. But for some reason it just doesn’t get through to them. I just blew up on Kris’ girlfriend on facebook because she was joking around about me being an apparent cock-block at a party we were all at last night. I didn’t mean for it to be purposeful. I just want people to be serious FOR ONCE. AS A GROUP.

Our friendships are not built on jokes. Sure, we all have similar senses of humor. But we all have loves for other things that bind us together as well. Music, video games, food, intelligent conversation, each other’s company…

All I ask is for a little bit of something I’d like to call “acting our age”. Sure, we’re all still very young. But we’re also adults and there are times when we should act like it. We all have jobs now and we’re all trying to hold onto some money. We’ve also talked about maybe getting a place together some time in the near future so we can all get out of our parents houses and start to create our adult lives.

But if they’re going to be like this all the time, I honestly don’t think that I’ll be able to live with them without being grouchy all the damn time. Horoscopes say that Cancers are moody and you rarely see it in me unless I’m upset about something like this. I try to lead as much of a stress-free life as possible, but there are just some people, some things that do not make it easy.

If you read all of this, I thank you kindly. You now know much more about me than you did 10 minutes ago.

I would just like to say a few things about Kacy’s post. Kacy is one of my oldest friends and despite what he thinks, I do take our friendship seriously. He says that Kris and I make fun of him constantly, which is kind of true in a sense. We’re not being ruthless and cutting to the core that is Kacy Raby, we’re not trying to hurt his feelings. In fact, when we mess with Kacy, we don’t say one bad thing about him. We mainly make fun of things like Emma Watson and The Dear Hunter. The main reason why Kacy shouldn’t take these things seriously is because, I’m a Dear Hunter fan as well and to my knowledge, Kris is a Harry Potter fan. The stuff that we say, completely ridiculous things that make people laugh at how stupid they are while Kacy will just sit and pout. I’m actually a little taken back that Kacy would post this knowing full well that Kris and I are on tumblr, instead of talking to us directly.

April 24, 2011 8:15 pm

Expectations Vs. Reality

In the 20 years of my existence, I’ve never come out the winner in anything. Anything significant or worthwhile I should say, but for some odd reason, I always let myself and others build upon what soon become false hopes to me. I just can’t seem to learn my lesson. Now, rarely do I vent my anguish, frustrations, loneliness, or general problems to anyone, let alone strangers, but I must have reached a breaking point. Right now, its just too much for me to handle and I gotta get a little off my chest I suppose.

I guess the first thing I never learn is that my friends are never the friends I believe they are. No matter how long I’ve known them. To put it simply, they’re major characters in my book, while I’m minimal in theirs. Every time I come home from college to visit I become invisible, even though people act like they’re excited when I tell them, these assholes just set me up to fall every damn time, and I haven’t learned. It’s kind of sad really. Now, I know what you’re thinking, “why don’t you just go and make new friends?” Making new friends is not really an option for me. I’ve never had the type of outgoing personality to meet new people or make people want people to hang around me. People barely remember my name actually. People my age will refer to me by one of my older brother’s names. This is funny to me because I know for a fact my brothers have no idea who the hell these people are. Hell, I can’t even make friends over the internet. Look at you, you’re a complete stranger reading this aren’t you? I just don’t know what it is that makes people gravitate towards other people. I was obviously born without this skill and so be it, I’ve made it this far right?

Now I guess this is where things get to hard for me to handle. Recently, the girl I’ve been crushing on for a little over a year now has split from her boyfriend. A bit of good and bad comes from this situation. I don’t think I need to explain the good, it’s pretty damn obvious if you ask me, her boyfriend was awful and he threw away someone amazing for no reason, whatever. The bad, I still live in Florida as a student. I honestly don’t know what to do short of telling her how I feel, which she knows and is pretty damn obvious if you were to ever see us together. Let me take a moment to explain her and I. In a nutshell, I understand this girl completely. She could say something in the dumbest way possible, and she does, and I’ll know exactly what she means. We talk for hours and we do nothing but laugh and laugh. Now, I could explain every little detail, but I’ve been vague about everything up to this point so why change now? Like I said earlier, I have no clue what to do in this situation. I don’t really have friends to rely on and get advice from so I’m just stuck. Stuck to the point where I know this opportunity is going to pass me by. I’m not the only person chasing this girl, the amount of competition is ridiculous.

For the record, I’m not asking for anything here. This is just me venting a little bit. I don’t care if this post gets a single note. I’ll feel better because I got it off my chest and put it somewhere else for a bit. Talk to me about it if you want, I don’t care, I’ll respond, but for the most part………….I don’t know, there’s not really a lesson here.