In the 20 years of my existence, I’ve never come out the winner in anything. Anything significant or worthwhile I should say, but for some odd reason, I always let myself and others build upon what soon become false hopes to me. I just can’t seem to learn my lesson. Now, rarely do I vent my anguish, frustrations, loneliness, or general problems to anyone, let alone strangers, but I must have reached a breaking point. Right now, its just too much for me to handle and I gotta get a little off my chest I suppose.
I guess the first thing I never learn is that my friends are never the friends I believe they are. No matter how long I’ve known them. To put it simply, they’re major characters in my book, while I’m minimal in theirs. Every time I come home from college to visit I become invisible, even though people act like they’re excited when I tell them, these assholes just set me up to fall every damn time, and I haven’t learned. It’s kind of sad really. Now, I know what you’re thinking, “why don’t you just go and make new friends?” Making new friends is not really an option for me. I’ve never had the type of outgoing personality to meet new people or make people want people to hang around me. People barely remember my name actually. People my age will refer to me by one of my older brother’s names. This is funny to me because I know for a fact my brothers have no idea who the hell these people are. Hell, I can’t even make friends over the internet. Look at you, you’re a complete stranger reading this aren’t you? I just don’t know what it is that makes people gravitate towards other people. I was obviously born without this skill and so be it, I’ve made it this far right?
Now I guess this is where things get to hard for me to handle. Recently, the girl I’ve been crushing on for a little over a year now has split from her boyfriend. A bit of good and bad comes from this situation. I don’t think I need to explain the good, it’s pretty damn obvious if you ask me, her boyfriend was awful and he threw away someone amazing for no reason, whatever. The bad, I still live in Florida as a student. I honestly don’t know what to do short of telling her how I feel, which she knows and is pretty damn obvious if you were to ever see us together. Let me take a moment to explain her and I. In a nutshell, I understand this girl completely. She could say something in the dumbest way possible, and she does, and I’ll know exactly what she means. We talk for hours and we do nothing but laugh and laugh. Now, I could explain every little detail, but I’ve been vague about everything up to this point so why change now? Like I said earlier, I have no clue what to do in this situation. I don’t really have friends to rely on and get advice from so I’m just stuck. Stuck to the point where I know this opportunity is going to pass me by. I’m not the only person chasing this girl, the amount of competition is ridiculous.
For the record, I’m not asking for anything here. This is just me venting a little bit. I don’t care if this post gets a single note. I’ll feel better because I got it off my chest and put it somewhere else for a bit. Talk to me about it if you want, I don’t care, I’ll respond, but for the most part………….I don’t know, there’s not really a lesson here.